Jacuzzi

It's my second time to the jacuzzi just now. Had a little chat with mum and she's nagging me not to get too close with my guy friends. When she suddenly mentioned his name, for a moment I really stoned. Felt somehow uncomfortable to hear his name from her. Felt distant too..perhaps cos last time when I mentioned his name, I felt the warmth and love I had towards this person. But now, I just feel that I need to block everything related to him out of my mind and heart, so somehow his name became distant..it feels really weird to hear my mum saying his name..haha..I'm glad she only mentioned once, if not I might be drown in the pool when chatting with her!

First time here!

Today is a new day and experience for me since I moved here in 2003. I actually went into the pool with mum just now! And of course, I stayed at the jacuzzi area to relax while my mum swims. The water in the pool is indeed colder than those public pool~ But feels good even though I don't know how to swim! There's even this yandao ang mo with his cute little kid! Eye candy while I'm at jacuzzi. Haha! :)

Hmm I think I've had enough being sad over him and I want this to end. I'm determined this time! Cos it's definitely waste of energy on being sad over how he treated me previously. Last time I'm sad over my second ex for one year plus when I'm with him for only five weeks, and I never felt a waste of energy or time at all. However this time, I think half a year is enough for me to be sad over the nine months' relationship that took place last year. It's way too long actually cos this guy let me down, whereas the previous ex didn't. Now that I'm moving on and I'm feeling really wonderful! It's just like the three years I had during poly days, being single is so free and happy that time! So why can't I enjoy it now like before? I can do whatever things I like without thinking of him like when I'm in the relationship. Just like what he said during that relationship, don't revolve around him. Really feel carefree with no one tied me down and I'm loving it! Thanks to him that I'm alive in a new way, a new me! Really grateful to him from the bottom of my heart~ :)

Time to change the format of my blog to be a happier and more cheerful colour, or at least my fav colour - blue! <3

Thanks for making me a fighter :)

Things for him to know from the lyrics:

After all you put me through, You'd think I'd despise you.

But in the end I wanna thank you, Cos you made that much stronger.

Well I thought I knew you, Thinking that you were true.

Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff.

Time is up, cos I've had enough.

You were there by my side, Always down for the ride,

But your joy ride just came down in flames,

Cos your greed sold me out in shame, mmm hmm.

After all of the stealing and cheating,

You probably think that I hold resentment for you.

But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong.

Cos if it wasn't for all that you tried to do,

I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through.

So I wanna say thank you!

Cos it Makes me that much stronger;

Makes me work a little bit harder;

Makes me that much wiser;

Made me learn a little bit faster;

Made my skin a little bit thicker;

Makes me that much smarter;

So thanks for making me a fighter!

Never saw it coming..All of your backstabbing..

Just so, you could cash in on a good thing,

Before I'd realized your game.

I heard you're going 'round' Playin' the victim now.

But don't even begin feelin' I'm the one to blame,

Cos you dug your own grave.

After all of the fights and the lies,

Guess you're wanting to hurt me.

But that won't work anymore,

No more, uh uh, it's over!

Cos if it wasn't for all of your torture,

I wouldn't know how to be this way now.

And never back down,

So I wanna say thank you!

How could this man I thought I know Turn out to be unjust so cruel?

Could only see the good in you, Pretended not to see the truth.

You tried to hide your lies,

Disguise yourself through Living in denial.

But in the end you'll see, You won't stop me.

Thought I would forget..But I, I remember.

Yes I remember, I'll remember....

FREE

At last!!! Finally had my last paper, whether it will pass or fail, I'm really excited that it's over!! Can't wait to change a new environment! Dog days must be over for now! Looking forward to the new dawn, new day and new life~ Just dance, gonna be ok!

Time is near

Oh no..the time for the paper is just a few more days, and I only read ONE chapter till now?! Really thanks to my uselessness!!! :(

Gosh..I start to feel stress when I don't smell smoke?! Addicted this time...thanks to myself...I hate myself!

Never in my life will I think of this..

Never has this ever come across in my mind that someone can treat another person so heartlessly, so extremely and utterly heartless..somemore its someone who once loved her, promised her things till the future?! Or perhaps she's wrong? He's really here for revenge only? OMG it's really killing her..seriously he don't have to go all out to hurt her any further so as to keep her away from him. WTF is he thinking?!

This is really way too hurting to survive!! Here she is trying so hard to live happily yet there he is trying to be extreme heartless. The number of scars are increasing and getting deeper whenever he's being heartless. Why can't he be a gentleman and at least try to be friendly to her? After all, it's he let her go through all this isn't it?

Since that breakup, she never ever blames him once and is already facing it by herself, she even wished them happiness, so is there a need to avoid her totally?? And it's really TOTALLY! This only shows that he is purposely hurting her and not letting her recover, despite saying that he hopes she will recover one day. Because he knows and understands her too well, that she can truly let go only if they're still friends, so he is really being heartless purposely to stop her from recovering.

Is he still human not??! Is this how he treats another human being? Bet he treats a stranger better than her!! It really hurts to know the fact that he treats a stranger better than someone whom once was closed to him, or perhaps only she thought he's closed to her..this is really INSANE!!!!! It's really difficult not to do silly things at times like this...no promises can be made on this..

We were best friends, now we don't even talk

"Now here I am trying to make sense of it all.

We were best friends, now we don't even talk..

You broke my heart,

You ripped my world apart.

I can't get you out of my head.

Left me all alone,

You couldn't be more gone.

From falling apart, to fighting mad.

From wanting you back, to not giving a damn.

I've felt it all..

I've been to the wall."

Thanks for letting me go through all of these..thanks for making use of my trust in you..thanks for doing all these to make me lose faith, trust and belief in life..thanks for making me feel guilty towards my loved and close ones..thanks for everything you've done to make me feel so miserable and lousy in myself..if you think by doing all these are for my own good, then you're wrong. Cos I see it clearly now that it's for your own good. I know that you will never contact me cos you said you don't know how to maintain this friendship. You didn't have to not wishing me on my birthday to make me lose hope in you cos I already knew you won't. I may have changed but I'm still myself. I can no longer love you like how i loved you, but I still wish you happiness in life.

This is bad..real bad..

It's already May and I've yet to even read a chapter from my textbook for my exam! OMG WHY IS IT THAT DAMN TOUGH?! Eating and watching tv for the whole day will really kill me!! And whenever I'm alone trying to read the book after watching the tv the whole day, it's either I end up listening to english songs or thinking about things that had happened. Now that I thought of the movie I watched this afternoon, "Widow on the hill", made me realised that guys really can't control themselves. This is not a good sign for me cos I'm afraid I'll never ever trust a guy in a relationship. This is not healthy. Alright I'm just reminding myself that guys are like that, it's normal for them. It's not right for me to think that it's ok for them to have affairs, as long as they will just return home to be with their wives and even children at the end of day. This is not good..oh gosh..I should just go back to my revision. Have to block him out of my mind right now and for long!! ARGH HATE IT WHEN HE'S THERE HAUNTING ME! HELPPPP~ :(