心也跟着走

Somehow this song from su rui caught my attention when I'm listening to the radio. The lyrics made me go look out for this song. I feel for this song, cos it's like telling me something or kind of helps me heal for the time being.

逝去的一切不会再拥有
牵动着信心不停留
过去的一切都已不在意
幻想的只是远行
[心也跟着走]

梦醒依旧却无法感受
内心在轻轻地涌动
冷冷的天不再下雨
心的哭泣更接近

逝去的一切不必再回首
往日的背影不再有
每一步都感觉许多惬意
因为心也跟着行走

只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂

终于你开口向我述说她有多温柔
虽然你还握著我的手
但我已不在你心中

我真的懂 你不是喜新厌旧
是我 没有
陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看著我 说著你爱过 别太伤痛

我不难过 这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂

就让我走 让我开始享受自由

回忆很多 你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱 你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞 这会是我 最后的宽容

抱紧我 再抱紧我
这一份感动 请你让我留在胸口
别再说 是你的错
爱到了尽头 是非对错
就让它随风 忘了所有 过的比你快活

不要再说 或许这是最好的结果
现在分手 总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手 离开你左右
我向前走 这会是我真正的解脱

Why still the uneasy feeling?

It's been some times since I last blogged. Just don't understand why the uneasy feeling is still there! I've been ignoring things that will remind me of him like songs we once shared together and pictures of us. But once in a while, the uneasy feeling is still back and makes me really uncomfortable. It makes me either no appetite or over eat. I've exam to study yet I haven't start. I can sleep till afternoon and watch tv after I wake up for the whole night and went back to sleep again. I can read other things but I just can't start reading my notes!

I really am damn pek chek with this kind of life and I want to end it if I can! I want to club badly last sat yet I don't know who I can call? I know I've friends around me who care for me and can accompany me for dinner or chill out. But I know definitely not accompany me to club. Friends who club with me last time either busy with their jobs, have boyfriends or just went back to study. Will I ever go alone if one day, the urge to club is really strong? Why is this so difficult for me? I just need loud music and dance on my own sometimes to vent out my unhappiness.

I do agree that music can bring me down by reminding me of him, but it does reduce my unhappiness too. Fast music is what I need in clubs, not guys, but most people just don't understand or just misunderstand me. In fact, it pains me when these thoughts actually came from closed ones. But I can't blame them for having that thought, not everyone has seen their loved ones changed totally. Whenever I wake up suddenly, the thought of him with his girlfriend, accompanying and encouraging each other in lives just make me feel so sad I can't sleep back or even feel like crying..I really don't know how long I'll feel this way.

Perhaps I'll feel better thinking that I should feel happy for him since he found someone that suits him more, cos he's a friend I've known half of my life. But now that we're not like friends anymore, I can't use this excuse to make myself better. I just need more time I know. As I grow older, I realised wounds heal so much slower and scars no longer fade, in fact scars just stay there. It's just the result of getting old!