知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

Its been two months since the break up and I've been trying whatever ways I can to distract myself and divert all my negative thoughts. As long as I really tire myself, I will not recall things. And even if I recalled, I'm too tired to even cry out. Exhausted sometimes..

Listening to many songs during this period and there's really a lot of songs out there that suit my feeling. 分手真的能让一个人一夜长大。。I've learnt and understood many things during this time, can't really specifically say out what I've learnt anyway. It's just some thoughts and feelings about life.

Well, in order to be happy and move on, I've to be contented. Only contentment will accompany and teach me to bear with the pain, just like the lyrics from Mayday's 知足: 知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛. And indeed, when the pain is back, I've to remind myself to be contented that my friends are here with me and I've a choice to do whatever I like. Be contented!

而我知道

"微笑 紧紧咬牙 给你祝福 你 自由飞吧

就这样吧 就这样吧
我同意 可是我 泪如雨下

而我知道有一天你可能就这么走掉
而我知道放开手但不知道怎么忘掉"

Even though I've let go, the pain is still there. Memories can never be forgotten, all I wish is that they will fade away while I tried not to allow myself to indulge in recalling the memories. This time, I'm using a different approach to handle this breakup. I've blocked his fb acct cos I feel that it will affect us. It will only remind me of him breaking his promises as friends. I don't want this to happen cos he did help me get out of the shadow of the previous r/s and I'm able to look forward to a new r/s. I want to attain peacefulness so that I can move on with my life.

Sometimes I don't feel anything when I see their pic, but I won't know when the bad feeling will come back to haunt me, so its better to block him off on fb for the time being, just like all my friends had suggested. I hope he will understand that its not that I still feel for him or I hate him so I block him off, but rather, i'm giving myself time to recover fully from this shock. All along I accepted this outcome and I really wish them happiness from the bottom of my heart. He was once my good friend whom I care a lot, so of cos I wish him happy always. Its just about how to deal with it now and then move on normally. I wish for peacefulness right now. =)

There is no why.

No one thinks I've let go cos I still feel the pain. But letting go doesn't mean you won't feel the pain, that is call forgetting. Letting go is about not loving or hating the person at all. All along I know clearly r/s can never be forced and I've never force people too. From the moment he's determined to be with that girl, I've let him go. I never hoped that he will come back cos I know deeply he will not and I just want to move on with my life.

I know I've let go thats why I agreed to meet him last thu. That meet up made me sensed that he totally moved on, compared to the times we meet up before the girl is here to spend time with him. And it really wakes me up that its not worth to feel sad over the loss of that r/s cos he's already with the girl when we break up not even a month..it makes me wonder that they have started even when he's with me. It even makes me feel that I'm just being used all along.

I don't feel for him now, but when I see that he changed his profile pic to their pic and even deleted our pic, I felt that I'm really being taken for granted all these while. Seeing him change to their pic is not an issue, but seeing him deleted our pic is really disappointing but expected, just that not so soon as I expected. Its like another slap to wake me up that he really changed and he don't keep to his promises.

Things he said like "I'll never delete my profile pics even if I'm with her" is just lying me to make me feel better, but these lies will only disappoint me more and totally make me die heart. And it does make me lose the love for him. I hate to ask why cos there's no why in r/s but sometimes I do wonder why he can be so heartless to me. At first I will think he's heartless so that he will think I can leave him without getting so hurt, thinking that he has not changed. But now, I can tell myself that he's really changed, just like other guys. Once you meet a new one, you moved on so fast that you didn't notice you've hurt the others. This is life and I'll live with it! I no longer believe he will feel sad like I believed he really was sad previously. Cos Xinyi is right, he's just doing things to reduce his guilt.

I'm gonna go back to the old me soon, the one who is made of iron, worked like machine, decisive and strong in r/s. Wait for me my friends!

Start of this blog again

Finally edited this blog and started posting after so many years. The last time I posted is in Sept 2006, almost 5 years' time...Time really flies..

Its almost 2 months since the breakup, and its going 1 month since I started working as a temp staff at Aljunied Road. The new temp girl is 8 years younger than me, waiting to go to poly now. When I told her I was enrolled in 2004, I suddenly feel that time really don't wait for us and it really just past by without giving us any moment to even realise it..

I'm suppose to work now but I'm doing all these random stuff..I decided to reblog so that I can voice out all my unhappiness here, forget them and then move on with life. I must do things to move on right now. It's not right to stay put and feel sad for long..

I've slacked too much, time for work!